Policia de Catalunya

Occasionally, Peggy Noonan is off the mark. But today she is right on about our country's collective psyche, and she's described it to perfection with delicious wit.
Her essay is called, "Special Assistant for Reality." By necessity rather than choice, she acknowledges, the president lives in a bubble. He has no idea what Americans are thinking and feeling because, well, he's so bubbled.
The solution? Read on. Her imagined dialogue hits the bulls eye.
____________________________
What a president should ideally have, and what I think we all agree Mr. Obama badly needs, is an assistant whose sole job it is to explain and interpret the American people to him. Presidents already have special assistants for domestic policy, for congressional relations and national security. Why not a special assistant for reality? Someone to translate the views of the people, and explain how they think. An advocate for the average, a representative for the normal, to the extent America does normal.
If Mr. Obama had a special assistant for reality this week, this is how their dialogue might have gone over the anti-TSA uprising.
President: This thing is all ginned up, isn't it? Right-wing websites fanned it. Then the mainstream media jumped in to display their phony populist street cred. Right?
Special Assistant for Reality: No, Mr. President, it was more spontaneous. Websites can't fan fires that aren't there. This is like the town hall uprisings of summer 2009. In the past month, citizens took videos at airports the same way town hall protesters made videos there, and put them on YouTube. The more pictures of pat-downs people saw, the more they opposed them.
President: What's the essence of the opposition?
SAR: Sir, Americans don't like it when strangers touch their private parts. Especially when the strangers are in government uniforms and say they're here to help.
President: Is it that we didn't roll it out right? We made a mistake in not telling people in advance we were changing the procedure.
SAR: Um, no, Mr. President. If you'd told them in advance, they would have rebelled sooner.
President: We should have pointed out not everyone goes through the new machines, and only a minority get patted down.
SAR: Mr. President, if you'd told people, "Hello, there's only 1 chance in 3 you'll be molested at the airport today" most people wouldn't think, "Oh good, I like those odds."
President: But the polls are with me. People support the screenings.
SAR: At the moment, according to some. But most Americans don't fly frequently, and the protocols are new. As time passes, support will go steadily down.
President: I've noted with sensitivity that I'm aware all this is a real inconvenience.
SAR: It's not an inconvenience, it's a humiliation. In the new machine, and in the pat-downs, citizens are told to spread their feet and put their hands in the air. It's an attitude of submission�the same one the cops make the perps assume on "America's Most Wanted." Then, while you stand there in public in the attitude of submission, strangers touch intimate areas of your body. It's a violation of privacy. It leaves people feeling reduced. It's like society has decided you're a meat sack and not a soul. Humans have a natural, untaught understanding of the apartness of their bodies, and they don't like it when their space is violated. They recoil, and protest.
President: But you can have the pat-downs done in private.
SAR: Mr. President, you don't know this, but when you ask for that, a lot of TSA people get pretty passive-aggressive. They get Bureaucratic Dead Face and start barking, "I need a supervisor! Private pat-down!" And everyone looks, and the line slows down, and you start to feel like you're putting everyone out. You wait and wait, and finally they get another TSA person, and they take you into the little room and it's embarrassing, and you start to realize you're going to miss your plane. It's then that you realize: all this is how they discourage private pat-downs.
President: I've wondered if this general feeling of discomfort might be related to a certain Puritan strain within American thinking�a kind of horror at the body that, melded with, say, old Catholic teaching, not to be pejorative, might make for a pretty combustible cultural cocktail. This heightened consciousness of the body might suggest an element of physical shame we hadn't taken into account.
SAR: Mr. President, the rebellion isn't shame-based, it's John Wayne-based.
President: I don't follow.
SAR: John Wayne removes his boots and hat and puts his six-shooter on the belt, he gets through the scanner, and now he's standing there and sees what's being done to other people. A TSA guy is walking toward him, snapping his rubber gloves. Guy gets up close to Wayne, starts feeling his waist and hips. Wayne says, "Touch the jewels, Pilgrim, and I'll knock you into tomorrow."
President: John Wayne is dead.
SAR: No, he's not. You've got to understand that. Everyone's got an Inner Duke, even grandma.
President: What should I do?
SAR: Back off. Say you spent a day watching YouTube. You're not giving in to pressure, you're conceding to common sense. "Free men and women have a right not to be trifled with. We'll find a better way."
President: If I don't?
SAR: Well, every businessman in America already thinks you've been grabbing his gonads. You'll continue that general symbolism.
President: Janet Napolitano won't like it. Drudge is always after her. He'll get all "Big Sis Bows Now." She might quit.
SAR: Oh God, yes. A twofer!
President: I'd look like I got rolled.
SAR: Then look strong. Fire her. She's been a disaster from day one. Now she's the face of the debacle.
President: Won't they think I'm weak?
SAR: No. They'll think you returned to Earth. They'll think ground control broke through to Major Tom. They'll think you took a step outside the bubble.

Labels: Barack Obama, Fondling, Groping, Janet Napolitano, Naked People Machines, Peggy Noonan, Privacy, Reality, Tsa

Do you toss and turn in bed at night, fretting over the dreaded question, "What do you do?"? I sure did. After all, do you really want to admit you're a loathsome lawyer or, worse, a government gawker?
For a time I could say I was a notary public. But then my commission expired.
Well, awkward jobsters, angst no more. The day of my epiphany is upon you. Because you, my friend, can be a social media analyst, just like the TSA's beloved Blogger Bob.
I'm too sexy for an x-ray, too sexy for the gateway, too sexy for . . .
Playtex cross my heart, as a social media analyst you are in good company. Just feast your eyes on this prolific witty wordsmith and his Queer-Eye-for-the-Straight-Guy goatee.
But bless Curtis Robert Burns Blogger Bob's heart, he's under constant scrutiny, barraged by scathing parodies -- just for holding his excellent public post. Gosh, with a job like Bob's, who wouldn't claim an alternate title?
Gun-slung on a lower rung are TSA's Biker Bobs. But these burly men can take cover as SMAs, too. Look, here's a government groper now, idling right next to me. Come to my window, big fellow. Vroom.
Is that a gun in his pocket, or is he just glad to feel me?
� 2011, .

Labels: Awkward Jobs, Blogger Bob, Is That A Gun In Your Pocket?, Social Media Analyst, Tsa

Greetings, fair maidens. It's been far too long. In between cooking classes and jetting off to meet the beautiful Michele (we ended up, unwittingly, at an all-black Hookah bar -- I think it was a full moon) I've been dealing with crazy neighbors and answering random questions for the state bar, as their "randomly selected" (out of 87,000) lawyer to profile. Writing my answers, as you might imagine, required great restraint.
And I've been fretting, as usual, about the omnipotent TSA. Now a liberal columnist has joined the fray. But I don't think it was the latest six-year-old kid to get molested that set Mo to thrashing on her keyboard. No, it was apparently the TSA's ridiculous scrutiny of her relative, a "distinguished federal" something, and the woman's ostomy bag.
What's that old adage . . . a liberal is a conservative who hasn't been mugged yet?

Labels: 6-Year-Old Girl Cried, Kentucky Parents, Maureen Dowd, Tsa

Yes, I'm still fixated on the TSA and Tyner's story. But for a different reason than you might expect. Let me give you my lawyerly take on things.
In the last audio of Tyner's tape trilogy, the TSA agent tells Tyner he cannot leave the airport, and that if he does, he'll be sued and subject to a $10,000.00 fine.
Holding a man against his will, threatening him with a government lawsuit and an exorbitant fine -- well, that really perked up my ears.
Lawyers are trained to dream up plausible hypotheticals and ask what could go wrong. I started doing just that.
First I imagined Mr. M going through a pat-down at the airport. I remembered his hernia adventure. Dear God. No, we'd just have to cancel our trip and leave the airport if it came to that.
Then I thought of a lawyer friend who's recovering from prostate cancer surgery and needed adult diapers for a time. If he opted for a pat-down and the TSA couldn't feel his crotch, what then?
Heck, millions of elderly people rely on Depends. The ones in wheelchairs would have to get full-body grope downs. But that won't work because their "torsos" are padded.
And then of course, we have the problem of maxi-pads. Oh dear.
Remember, the TSA has already said its agents won't stop going up your inner thighs until they feel your crotch torso. So what happens when they can't?
This is going to end badly. Because we all know what's coming next.
TSA will demand a body cavity search. And I don't know about you, but I ain't gonna'.
So what are our options? Can we say "never mind" and leave if they demand to inspect our cavities?
In a word, no.
According to the brilliant 9th Circuit (which, ironically, quoted Orwell in its opinion) the search must go on. By entering the security check point, you consent to being searched and you cannot revoke your consent to the search. (Read the Aukai case synopsis here.)
Put another way, you can't change your mind and leave. Unless, of course, you're willing to fork over $11,000.00 bucks, get sued, and risk arrest by a police officer.
The big man at TSA's San Diego office called a press conference today to announce a "probe" of Tyner. Chief Michael Aguilar said the investigation could lead to prosecuting Tyner and hitting him up for a "civil penalty" of up to $11,000.00. When it was pointed out that TSA agents told Tyner on Saturday that the fine was $10,000.00, Aguilar said "That�s the old fine. It has been increased."
Clearly the TSA is not backing down. To the contrary, it plans on making an example out of Tyner because he left the airport. It's a damn shame Tyner is in the 9th Circuit.
So you see, this isn't just about humiliation, or radiation and full frontal nudity, or being legally assaulted. The TSA's power trip has only just begun.
Body cavity and strip searches are coming, make no mistake.
But hey. Whatever it takes to keep us safe, right?
UPDATE: Before you call me crazy, wait. It gets worse. A legal TSA "search" of your "junk" includes reading your emails and whatever else is saved on your laptop computer . . . all without a warrant.

Labels: 9Th Circuit, Abuses, Adult Diapers, Aukai, Body Cavity Search, Civil Penalties, Consent To Search, John Tyner, Lawsuits, Michael Aguilar, Padded Torsos, Strip Search, Tsa, You CanT Leave The Airport

So law enforcement officials in North Carolina want access to the state's "data base" so police officers will know the name of every North Carolinian who was legally prescribed pain pills (or Ritalin or what not).
The hell, you say?
Oh, come on. Pretending to be shocked doesn't become you.
I mean, we already get naked and radiated for the government at the airport (and no, I see little distinction between disrobing and the naked people machines). Or we are forced to let them feel us up instead.
First Mother Michelle Obama wants Congress to make doctors measure our children's BMI and enter it into their permanent file in a "secure" federal data base.
We've let the feds force us to buy Obamacare health care insurance.
Heck, every single bit of our medical history will soon be logged into a national government data base, per Obamacare. (Ever get cross-ways with a doctor? Or need a second opinion? Oh, woe be unto you, my trusting friend.)
Indeed, respected health care analysts say Obamacare authorizes the feds to directly access our bank accounts, instantly, in real time. It's just more efficient this way, you see. Co-pays and all of that. Yaay.
So why shouldn't we tell the government what drugs we take? Why shouldn't the government hand over a list of our prescription meds to the police? What on earth could be wrong with that?
Just imagine all the prescription drug abuse police could uncover and stop. Hooray!
And while we're all "the door's wide open, come on in!" I've got a better idea. How about we let the government put cameras in our kitchens and living rooms?
Seriously. Stop and think about it. Imagine the child abuse, alcohol abuse . . . gosh, every kind of abuse(!) we could stop dead in its tracks if we invited more government into our home.
We need to give law enforcement the tools it needs!
Remember, it's not about you. And from here on out, it never will be again. Forget that your grandfather charged the beaches of Normandy to keep you and our country independent and free from governmental intrusion and overreaching.
Girlfriend, that kind of conservative thinking is so passe' -- so pre-Millenium yesterday. It's 2012, you insane, gun-toting, religious, racist bitter tea bagger!
Get over yourself and get with the program. It's time to get down and groove for the greater good!
What? You still feel weird? Squeamish? Sorry friend, but don't look to me for any answers. Don't ask me to think straight -- I've got post financial stress syndrome. I got mowed down a long time ago.
Besides, it's getting mighty crowded in my stinky little tent, ever since I let the camel's nose come in. Frankly, I'm ready to cave and let the damned camel take it over.
Sure, I'm human, and yeah, I panicked there for a minute. "Once I give the camel my tent, where will I go? What will I do? What if, GOV forbid, I need an experimental drug and the feds say, 'No!'?"
But then it came to me.

Little middle-aged me? Ha! Watch out. I can still muster some attention. I'll just hold the entire world hostage to Islam and its "Muslim extremists" by threatening to burn the Koran.
Snap!

Labels: Government Intrusion, Islam, North Carolina, Prescription Drug Data Base, Tea Baggers, Tea Parties, Tsa

TSA story of the day:
Soldiers just returning from Afghanistan went through TSA's cutting-edge security.
They could keep their assault rifles, just not their finger-nail clippers.
Because, you know, a nail clipper is one bad ass weapon.Here's the soldier's account.
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So we're in line, going through one at a time. One of our Soldiers had his Gerber multi-tool. TSA confiscated it. Kind of ridiculous, but it gets better. A few minutes later, a guy empties his pockets and has a pair of nail clippers. Nail clippers. TSA informs the Soldier that they're going to confiscate his nail clippers. The conversation went something like this:
TSA Guy: You can't take those on the plane.
Soldier: What? I've had them since we left country.
TSA Guy: You're not suppose to have them.
Soldier: Why?
TSA Guy: They can be used as a weapon.
Soldier: [touches butt stock of the rifle] But this actually is a weapon. And I'm allowed to take it on.
TSA Guy: Yeah but you can't use it to take over the plane. You don't have bullets.
Soldier: And I can take over the plane with nail clippers?
TSA Guy: [awkward silence]
__________________________________
And how awkward will it be when the TSA takes women in skirts aside to make them disrobe and put on a special "pat-down gown"? (Fast-forward to 2:20)
I told you I wasn't crazy. Not crazy. Not crazy. But if the TSA keeps this up, it won't be long.

Labels: Assault Rifle, Cancer, Nail Clippers, Passengers Wearing Skirts Must Disrobe For Pat-Down Gown, Prosthetic Breast, Tsa, US Soldier

Last Monday I was furiously compiling a list of TSA horror stories, as catalogued by the Washington Post in the comment section to this post. And I came across this anonymous comment:
"to all of you who think GateRape is neither an invasion of your privacy nor an unwarranted usurpation of your 4th amendment rights, may I remind you of Ben Franklin's quote 'They who would trade liberty for security soon have none and deserve neither.'
I don't know what the solution is but sexual assault (virtual or physical) on children while their parents are forced to watch is not the answer.
I'll be driving and enjoying the scenery out the car window."
Posted by: FedUp389 | November 15, 2010 12:41 PM"Gate rape," I thought to myself. Why, that just sums it up perfectly.

Pickled tink, I wrote a post and called it, "Gate Rape: the Saga Continues." (Am I obsessed? Yes. And I will be for the foreseeable future. I get really hot and bothered when the Constitution is suspended on our own soil.)
When that nice Iowa Hawk man -- go read his clever TSA version of "Come Fly With Me" -- kindly linked to my "comply and fly away" post, I thanked him and told him to feel free to appropriate "gate rape."
Because it's the message, not the messenger, that's important here. It is gate rape. Let's not kid ourselves. Ah, but I better stop now, before I launch into a diatribe about our 4th amendment rights and begin frothing at the mouth.
In any event, it appears "gate rape" took off from there.
So, as Paul Harvey would say, "that's the rest of the story."
And "FedUp389," whoever you are? You da' bomb.

Labels: Body Scans, Fedup389, Gate Rape, Naked People Machines, Strip Searches, Tsa, Washington Post, Who Coined Gate Rape?

My husband, frequent-flyer extraordinaire, has amassed so many points that we can fly round trip to Paris and stay in a lovely hotel for a week, all for . . . free.
So you'd think I'd be happy, right? Exuberant, even! And I am. Really. I am. But I'm also in a bit of a snit, not the least of which is because I don't want to go through the naked-people machines.
But the real problem for me? I'm absolutely, blood-curdlingly terrified of the TSA.

I'm crazy, you say? Ha! Just keep reading.
Let's start with the intellectual prowess found in TSA's agents, as evidenced by this 22-second clip about "prep stops." Notice especially the last thing the guy says.

Here's another cheery TSA clip, showing off their new "re-composure benches." (We had our composure but then we lost it when we had to take off our shoes -- but we'll get it back, by golly, thanks to TSA's re-composure benches). Think I'm kidding? Just watch.

But here's the scary part: TSA agents are not just smart. They're devious. And twisted. Which makes for a lethal combination.
Consider the nightmare TSA put a young college student through. The agent "found" a plastic baggy full of white powder in her luggage. "Where did you get this?" he asked her. "Just tell the truth and everything will be fine."

The poor girl was speechless and stood there, dumbfounded, for a full twenty seconds before the TSA man started laughing. "Just kidding," he said. She burst into tears.
Well hardeharhar, you funny TSA man, you.
But fret not, gentle readers. Ann Davis, a regional TSA manager later said the agent "had been disciplined by TSA management at Philadelphia International Airport, and he has expressed remorse for his actions."
Remorse!? Oh, sweet relief. Don't we all feel better now.
And God forbid you make those TSA people mad. Flying coach might feel like being in jail, but I'll take coach over the real deal, any day. No doubt, Nadine Pellegrino would, too.
Two female TSA workers accused this petite, middle-aged woman -- a teacher of public speaking and semantics, and former faculty member at Penn State and Trenton State College -- of committing felony assaults against them. At the airport. In public And then the TSA conveniently "lost" the evidence: the videotape of the incident.

Yep. And these uncorroborated accusations got Ms. Pellegrino an arrest record (which she later had expunged) and a night in the Philadelphia pokey.
Her troubles began when she was "selected" for "enhanced" screening. Rather than have her private belongings strewn everywhere for the world to see, Ms. Pellegrino asked that the luggage search be conducted in a private area. Oh, and that the TSA women change their gloves before fondling her lipstick and underwear.
But, umm, her requests didn't go over so well with the TSA ladies, apparently. One of them, said Pellegrino, deliberately ripped an old change purse her father had given her, after Ms. Pellegrino asked the agent to take special care with it.
The TSA women tell a different story, of course. But their word choices tell the tale. "I could tell she was going to be one of those passengers," said female agent Abdul-Malik. And Abdul-Malik's supervisor, Laura Labbee, testified that Pellegrino was "authoritative, demanding."
One thing all three women agree upon is that Ms. Pellegrino said, "What is going on here? Both of you are behaving like bitches."
Bitches indeed.
A judge ultimately dismissed all charges against Ms. Pellegrino, who was described by a longtime friend as, "very thorough, very sharp. I've never seen her get mad or violent. Maybe she felt they were putting her down."
Do you think?
And perhaps the most egregious TSA encounter yet happened when a Camden police officer, his wife, and his disabled four-year old son were about to fly to Disney World. It would be the first time young Ryan, born sixteen weeks early, had ever flown in an airplane. The Disney Trip was for his birthday. What an exciting day it should have been.

Bob Thomas folded up his son's stroller and put it on the x-ray belt. Tiny Ryan, who had just learned to walk with the assistance of leg braces, passed through the metal detector. And, naturally, the metal machine beeped.
So what did the TSA automaton agent do? He insisted the child remove his braces. But Ryan couldn't walk without his leg braces, his parents explained, beseeching and imploring.
Too bad, said the all-powerful TSA worker. The braces must be removed. And so they were.
At that point, Leona Thomas, Ryan's mother, asked if she could help him through the metal detector since he didn't have his leg braces on. Oh, no, said the big man in charge, the authoritative TSA agent. The four-year old would have to walk through the machine on his own.
And so little Ryan was forced to hobble through the machine in what was surely a humiliating and public display. His parents walked in front of, and behind, him to catch him if he fell.
How's that for a first trip to Disney?
The better part of valor is discretion, at least in decent men. But TSA agents have far too much unchecked discretion and precious little valor.

Labels: Airline Passengers, Boy In Leg Braces, Inept, Tsa, Tsa Abuses

The federal government, through the TSA, believes safety is more important than . . . well, anything. Hence, the "groin checks" we are now forced to endure in order to fly. That, or get virtually naked and subject ourselves to an intimate visual inspection, and radiation.
My new-found hero, John Tyner, stood up to them. "You touch my junk and I'll have you arrested," he told the would-be genital groper. And he got most of it on tape.

The TSA groper, who sounds eerily like Dexter (or, for us older folk, Carlton the doorman), took it all in stride for the most part. (Click here for new CNN video and you can hear Dexter yourself).
Some of the other agents, though, were not amused. It's not a molestation, one female agent can be heard arguing. "It's an administrative search."
In the end, American Airlines refunded his ticket. And the TSA threatened him with a $10,000.00 fine and a civil lawsuit if he left the airport. He took the gamble and got the hell out of Dodge. Note to John: I'll contribute to your legal fees.
You can read his blog post about it here.
Ah, safety. It is of such paramount importance that we must give up our rights and essential liberty.
But why stop in the air! What about Greyhound buses? Shopping malls? Football games? Street festivals? Block parties?
Speaking of safety, child abuse is a major problem in our country today. Now we have the ability to keep children safer: by installing a government-monitored camera in every kitchen in the country. That would curb a lot of abuse.

Then there's the issue of domestic violence. It's epidemic. Why not install cameras in the bedroom, too? Think how much safer women will be.
We could keep college women safer by stopping bulimia with cameras in every college bathroom.
What's that, you say? That allowing the government to watch us while we're naked, having sex, or putting on our clothes is just . . . wrong?
Oh, calm yourselves. We're already letting the government see us naked and feel our genitals and breasts. Might as well give them a few more jollies with a little sex.

After all, if we're willing to undergo searches of our bodies in the name of "safety" so quickly -- and the sheep-like masses clearly are -- what aren't we willing to do?
James Madison said, "The means of defence against foreign danger, have been always the instruments of tyranny at home."
He also said, "If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy."
A more modern-day statement, no less profound, comes from an unnamed teenager in Juarez, Mexico. Although he was speaking of drug lords rather than tyrannical government, he makes my point just the same.
"We prefer to die in one year standing up than living all our lives on our knees."

Labels: Breasts, Fines, Fondling, Genitals, Groping, John Tyner, Liberty, Naked People Machines, Privacy, Radiation, San Diego Man Ejected From Airport, Tsa, Whole Body Scanners